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Writing ✍️ in the journal for the first time in several weeks. I’m up at midnight or should I say still. The nausea has gone from bad to worse and I am having to wait to feel like eating. It has n e v e r been this easy to pass on sweets or my other favorite foods, and I’m reminded that my love for food is something that brings me great joy normally. While I’m trying to keep the fickle peace within my body I am forced inward, often closing my eyes and shutting down for an hour or two. Finding a feeling of contentment is more important than ever before. I’m physically ill for about 20/24 hours of my day. Different levels of “sick” means I can do more or do less. Presently I have arranged for me and the kids to stay at home and I homeschool online for my first grader. The schedule is tough but I’m able to get it together for most of the day. As a result of the pandemic and my pregnancy hyperemesis, I have had the unique opportunity to personally work with my children around the clock. I’m feeling like I’m doing something for them and at the same time I’m spending time with 2 people I love and need the most. My husband and our 2 kids are enduringly kind to me and I’m always being catered to when school is done and hubs is home. But it’s not like before when he came home to sandwich platters and a hot dinner on the stove. The role reversal is uncomfortable for me, but I am growing to like it. My belly is growing and putting extra pressure on things like my hips and my lower back. Everything hurts sometimes so it’s a regular event that I am on the floor with one of our various foam rollers. I’m a daily epsom salt bath taker. My husband and I have our own massage table set up in the house. Low sugar, low fat, nonprocessed food high in vitamins and nutrients. But sometimes I have to wait until very late at night to get my lunch and dinner down. For the first 8 hours of the day I struggle to sip water. I have still managed to gain 25 pounds and I’m 7 months pregnant. I’m relying on intuitive eating 99.9%. I have not logged calories or macros. I’m finding that I am unsure of my body and I feel a longing for my body to be mine again. But, I couldn’t be happier.
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